yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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