there was a trapeze. enough said
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
