a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
