how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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