If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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