but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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