He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
