I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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