So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm too high and old for this...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
