I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
