ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize