batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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