put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
