he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
