youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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