saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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