Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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