My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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