That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just pee around me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
