She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
