my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize