those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
