is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
