I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
