The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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