K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
