You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
