stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
