When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
