Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and she was petting her beer can
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
