O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
