and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
