I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
