Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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