The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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