We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
