he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
