you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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