I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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