the condom got lost in my hair
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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