I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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