Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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