But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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