He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
