Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
