my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
