he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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