So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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