I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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