I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
