ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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