How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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