i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize