I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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