I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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