But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
