I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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