Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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