once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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