Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
