dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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