Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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