It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
