god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
