i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
