I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
