Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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