is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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